My Frustration

MY FRUSTRATION

My Children are Almost All Grown …

I Want:

Time to visit with my children … before they fly away

To be able to afford to travel with them

and give them some (if only a small part of),

the Wonderful Travels I had

when I was much younger than they are Now

and if I do not do it Soon … it can Never Be.

Them to have comfortable quarters … with nice furniture.

Them to have a place to entertain their friends.

I am Ashamed:

To be the only member of the group that moved into my neighborhood who does not now live in a nice home.

That I have not earned enough money to live on in any one of the last 6 years.

I Want to give good times and nice things to my “want-nothing” bride.

Want to have enough to pay for our needs when we are old and tired.

Am afraid to be broke.

Have regressed from an “uppercrust life” to a “middle class” life and I do not like being forced to remain here.

Feel guilt when I divert money that could go to my debts, for a much needed vacation.

INTRODUCTION

Dear Kids and Friends who read this:

Perhaps you’ve wondered why I wrote this …

Mainly it’s because there are times when people go through periods

when they don’t Learn a Lesson …

even though it was Taught Well.

I’ve written these “Jewels of Wisdom”

so that in case you didn’t learn some of them

at the time I taught them …

They’ll still be available to you and to your kids

when I’m not around to repeat those lessons.

DEDICATION TO MY CHILDREN AND GRANDCHILDREN

Basic Truths Don’t Change much from Generation to Generation,

and if you are Wise Enough,

you may be able to Learn these Lessons I Paid Pain to Learn

Without Having to Pay for it the way I Did.

Thus, you and your Loved Ones may indeed

“Stand on the Shoulders of Giants”

(as Sir Isaac Newton said) instead of beginning again at ground level.

A LETTER TO MY CHILDREN
Port Aransas June 15, 1977

I’m sorry that I can never give you the material things my parents gave me when I was your age …

a room of your own, some privacy, a financial legacy to start Life with.

And while in many ways you’ve had a more understanding and sympathetic upbringing

and a much more deeply personal relationship with your parents than I had with mine,

(which I think was largely caused ’cause your Mother and I were far more perceptive and enlightened than most young people who were “parents for the first time.”)

Still I feel the need to clearly communicate to each of you,

What I did Right and Wrong with my own Life
and reduce my feelings
to ink on paper and insert this in this book
I am writing for you,

so that when you are mature enough to appreciate it fully, this little history will be available to you to feed into your mind’s “computer data bank,”

not as an apology for the “wrongs of omission” I did you nor a justification that my lack of accomplishment on my family’s behalf was caused by “the-difficult-environment-I-was-in;”

It’s just “the facts as I see them”
so that you may weigh my errors,
and if you’re Savvy enough,

perhaps you can Skillfully and Adroitly Avoid Repeating my Stupid Mistakes.

I love you so very much,

Daddy
© Robert Jorrie

My law firm once had an employee named Isabel who was repeatedly sick with many illnesses and also with “female” problems

and she ultimately had to have a hysterectomy

and her physician ordered to rest in bed for 6 weeks to recuperate.

As Firm Manager, I became uncomfortable when we called her house to ask her something about her work and her child told us she was driving her Mother around.

Then we called a few days later to ask a similar question and the child told us she had “gone to the Mall to look for a present for ‘someone’.”

So when she returned to work, I talked with her about using so very much “Sick Pay”

that I thought it she was abusing it

and that it made her “too expensive” to the firm because not only were we paying her while on sick pay and holding her job open for her return to work,

but that we also had to hire a temporary employee to perform her work while she was out “sick.”

That it was, in effect, “double cost” to the firm when she was “out”

and that the law firm simply couldn’t afford to keep her if she didn’t stop using illness as an excuse to get paid when she was not required to stay home.

She replied to me:

“Oh, Mr. Jorrie, that’s not part of my cost to the firm,

it doesn’t cost the firm any money …

that’s just an Employee Benefit.”

My law firm once had an employee named Isabel who was repeatedly sick with many illnesses and also with “female” problems

and she ultimately had to have a hysterectomy

and her physician ordered to rest in bed for 6 weeks to recuperate.

As Firm Manager, I became uncomfortable when we called her house to ask her something about her work and her child told us she was driving her Mother around.

Then we called a few days later to ask a similar question and the child told us she had “gone to the Mall to look for a present for ‘someone’.”

So when she returned to work, I talked with her about using so very much “Sick Pay”

that I thought it she was abusing it

and that it made her “too expensive” to the firm because not only were we paying her while on sick pay and holding her job open for her return to work,

but that we also had to hire a temporary employee to perform her work while she was out “sick.”

That it was, in effect, “double cost” to the firm when she was “out”

and that the law firm simply couldn’t afford to keep her if she didn’t stop using illness as an excuse to get paid when she was not required to stay home.

She replied to me:

“Oh, Mr. Jorrie, that’s not part of my cost to the firm,

it doesn’t cost the firm any money …

that’s just an Employee Benefit.”

Robert Jorrie
November 16, 1990

To get the Benefits of Living with Someone,

you have to give up some of the Benefits of Living Alone.

Robert Jorrie

Of course, everybody we meet has emotional “scars” …

for Life is a Difficult Path …

full of emotional collision with others that are just as frightened as we are …

just as unfullfilled …

just as “screwed up;

and that gives us all scars.

So everyone this age has big scars … its unavoidable.

Robert Jorrie

When you recognize that a Loved One is approaching Death,

perhaps it is better to say your mental “goodbyes” while they are alive,

and begin to adjust to getting along without them in your life, so that when they get closer to dying,

that you will be less emotional,

and thus better able to be a comfort and aid to them at that time

and more able to make good decisions, if you need to.

This has other Benefits, too

in that after you do this, you view each day of their remaining life as a “Bonus.”

Robert Jorrie

One of the nicest things about Greedy People

is that their Greed is Absolutely Predictable …

they are ALWAYS Greedy.

Robert Jorrie

My Corrolary to Sawtelle’s Contract for Friendship:

Some people believe that the General Population is divided into “Givers” & “Takers.”

But I have noticed a strange Phenomenon:

Some of the people that I view as a “Giver” or a “Taker,”
are viewed by others
as the Exact Reverse of how I see those people.

I believe that the label “Giver” or “Taker”

is only a demonstration that the person attaching that label
is measuring the other person subjectively

in comparison to whether they perceive that the other person has kept “The Contract for Friendship.”

For Example, if someone gave a lot to me

but I saw what I gave them
as being larger than what that person gave to me,

then I might still call that person a “Taker”
since “I didn’t get paid enough,”
even if they gave me a lot.

And conversely, if that person was seen by me as a “Giver,”

that means I perceived that they gave me “more”
than what I perceive they received from me,
no matter how much I gave them.

Summary:

Since the measuring is totally subjective,

perhaps whether a person is a “Giver” or a “Taker” varies from relationship to relationship

and also varies within relationships over time.

Perhaps it isn’t possible to honestly identify (& label)
whether a person is a “Giver” or “Taker” at all.

Robert Jorrie